This will always break my heart.
When Willow was “Dark Willow”, she wasn’t herself anymore. She was even consciously putting a gap between her and her true self by talking about Willow at the third person.
But then, she talks about Tara. And she starts refering to herself at the first person again.
She thinks Willow is weak and too emotional, and right now, emotions are hurting way too much. So she prefers being mad at the world and seek revenge, so she won’t have to face what’s real.
Because being Dark Willow isn’t real. It’s surreal. What’s real is her pain. The hurting truth that Tara is gone.
Being angry. Wanting revenge. This is just a way for her to get away from reality. Get her mind and focus on something else than what has really happened.
But when she talks about Tara, she can’t pretend anymore. She’s unable to detach from herself. Thinking of Tara brings her back to reality.
But only briefly because being back to reality means being close to her feelings again. And she can’t stand it.
What is also breaking my heart is what she said in that brief moment when she was herself again.
Willow always had such a little opinion of herself. She thought that the only thing good about her was that she was with Tara. That Tara loved her. But still, she felt unworthy of Tara’s love. She thought that she wasn’t good enough for her. Hence thinking that if she ever stopped practicing magic, she would become ordinary again and Tara would stop loving her.
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